


You Can't Stay

by freckledfoxes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 9x03 Coda, Fallen Castiel, Human Castiel, M/M, Season 9
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 05:57:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckledfoxes/pseuds/freckledfoxes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A 9x03 coda.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Stay

_"You can’t stay."_

He had said every way he knew how to say “stay” without actually  _saying it_  over the years.  _We can fix this,_ and  _I’d rather have you cursed or not,_  and _we’re going home,_  and _I’m not leaving here without you_ , and _you get to ride shotgun,_  and  _I need you_. And in all that time, nothing had seemed to take. Nothing could ever make Cas stay like Dean wanted him to. Cas always went his own way; always drifted, returned when he wanted. 

Each time felt like the last time. Especially when it was  _supposed_  to be the last time. Each time Cas died. Every betrayal and every wrong decision… Cas should have been gone a long time ago.

But Dean always held on to the fact that  _Cas always returned to him_. He’d never let that go. 

Cas was dead just hours ago. And then there he was, sitting in front of Dean, staring up at him with the worst expression Dean had ever seen grace anyone’s face. Those blue eyes, just moments before so bright with absolute happiness that Dean could never really remember seeing in them, stared up at him, almost pleading and full of hurt and confusion. 

Dean wanted to take it back immediately, as soon a the last word had dropped from his tongue. He wanted to scream at Cas, tell him he didn’t mean it,  _how could he think he meant it?_ , tell him about Ezekiel and Sam, tell Ezekiel they can find a way to make it work. There had to be a way to make it work.

But Cas looked down then, fingers fidgeting with the foil around the burrito in front of him. His head moved, almost undetectable, in a small nod. 

"I understand, Dean," came Cas’ quiet reply.

Dean’s stomach twisted and he tried to hide the way his heart fell. He wanted Cas to fight him on this. He wanted Cas to ask  _why_.  _Why are you making me leave, Dean? I just got back._

He just got Cas back.

Dean let out a small sigh—only a fraction of the response he really wanted to unleash—and he ran his hand over his face. “It’s just—it’s not a permanent thing, Cas. I’m glad we found you. I am. And I want you to stay… but, man—”

"I understand, Dean," Cas repeated, louder now, looking up at Dean again. "I’m a danger to you right now. A danger to Sam. With all of the Angels that are after me, I put you both at risk. It would be selfish for me to stay now."

Dean’s insides twisted up again and it took everything he had in him not to reach out and shake Cas.  _No, Cas. No. That’s not selfish. I’m being selfish. I’m lying. I’m hurting you._

But Dean didn’t say that. 

"You can stay here for the night, obviously," Dean said weakly after a moment. "I’m not kicking you out right now. You should eat some more. Get a good night’s sleep. Probably haven’t had one of those yet, have you?"

Cas didn’t answer, just looked back down at the food in front of him. “I’m not actually feeling very hungry anymore.”

Dean sighed and rubbed at his own arm slowly. He got to his feet.

"Well, at least get some sleep. I can drive you somewhere in the morning. Afternoon, even, if you wanna sleep in. But I’m not just gonna put you out on your ass. Like I said, this isn’t a forever thing. When we figure out how to fix what’s going on, how to get these Angels off your ass, then you can come back."

Dean watched his friend, watched as Cas’ shoulders seemed to slump further under the weight of Dean’s words. 

"Of course, Dean."

Dean wanted to reach out and set his hand on Cas’ shoulder, on his back, on the back of his neck. He wanted to touch him, somewhere, somehow, to show Cas that he was wanted,  _needed._

But he just balled his hands up into loose fists and nodded slowly. “Get some sleep, alright? I’ll have breakfast waiting for you when you get up.”

And Dean was out of the room before Cas could respond, headed down the hall toward his own bedroom, ignoring Sam’s confused, “Dean?” as it echoed after him.


End file.
